


Is This Love

by kayy_ruhh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-13 06:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1215691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayy_ruhh/pseuds/kayy_ruhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam haven't had an ideal childhood. Sam ends up in trouble, and Dean comes to the rescue.<br/>But can Dean save Sam and protect himself? Can Dean end up happy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Those Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing this by myself. Everything is checked by me, so please do not be afraid to tell me of a mistake. I welcome all suggestions seeing as this is my first work. It may start out slow, but once we get into it it will flow. I promise there will be lots of sex. Lots of kinks, and lots of violence. This is not a happy story by any means, but it will have a happy ending. I will update as often as I can. There is no set schedule. I have many chapters written, but I need to add the pieces that make them flow correctly. So bare with me please.

He woke with a familiar ache, the ache that had been there since the age of about 12. He knew what he had to do. Dean shifted uncomfortably out of his bed, walked out of his bedroom, and padded his way to the bathroom he shares with his younger brother, Sam. Luckily Sam had already been up and left for the library. He sighed in relief thankful for his brother’s absence. He walked over to the shower and quickly adjusted the temperature, before sliding out of his boxers that were bulging. He let out a soft cry as the material brushed over his rock hard erection. As he climbs into the shower, his mind wanders to his dream the night before. Piecing blue eyes with a pair of eyelashes that anyone would die for. He does not know who they belong to, but he was thankful for them as he grabbed his already leaking cock.

After exiting the shower once the water ran cold and he had eventually gotten to the showering part, Dean made his way back to his room where he slipped into a pair of fresh boxers, reminding himself to thank Sammy later for doing laundry, a pair of holey jeans, a faded Metallica t-shirt, socks, and some boots. Once dressed, he rushed downstairs to grab some coffee before heading out to Baby, the ’67 Impala his dad gave him for his 16th birthday gift, remembering the day fondly.

When Dean rushed outside to see just what the keys belonged to, the last thing he was expecting to see was an empty drive way and his dad chuckling behind him. “Dean, the car is at Bobby’s shop. You’ll have to rebuild it, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Bobby will work with you.”

That was about a year and a half ago the car is finished, and his dad is more or less gone. The death of their mother really hit him hard, but he had gotten help, but the loss of his longtime girlfriend, and subsequent disconnection with Dean and Sam’s younger brother, Adam, has downright ruined him. But at least there is always whiskey and beer in the house now.

Dean shakes his head as he climbs into the car, and starts to pull out of the driveway. He is late, but Bobby won’t mind. Dean has been working for Bobby for 8 months, right around the time that their dad was fired for showing up to work drunk more than once. Dean had to help Sammy anyway he could. As he drove he hummed and tapped his fingers along to the Led Zeppelin playing through his radio. Fifteen minutes later he was pulling into the parking lot of SINGER SALVAGE YARD. He glanced at the clock that read 11:36, he pulled out his cell, and texted Sam: “Be home at 5, I’ll pick up dinner on my way home.” A few moments later his phone beeped and read: “Yea, ok.” Dean climbed out of the car, and walked into his second home. He looked around when he heard, “It’s about time you showed up Princess.” “Hey Bobby” That was the last thing they said as they worked until 4:30.

The drive home was a blur, he picked up two pizzas, vegetable for Sam, ew. And a meat lovers for himself. Dad had been missing for a few days, although this is nothing new. Sam was on his laptop in the kitchen when Dean walked in, that kid was always doing homework. Dean couldn’t be bothered by it honestly, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to graduate at the end of the year. He wanted to quit, drop out, and work full time in order to take care of Sammy. Sam had dreams of college, that wasn’t going to be cheap.

The night seemed to move smoothly, the ate with small talk, caught the end of an Indiana Jones movie on tv, and Sam didn’t even comment on the fact that Dean was having a beer, or rather three. Sunday pretty much went the same, and Sunday night Dean dreamed once more of the piercing blue eyes.


	2. Holidays Suck

Dean can’t place his finger on it, but something is off with Sam. He’s been really quiet, spending more time at the library, and even Jess hasn’t seen him as much. Jess calls but it always goes the same. “Sam is at the library, I’ll have him call you when he gets back.” The drive to school is tense but not in a post argument kind of way, but more as a secret that can make or break everything kind of tense. The school days seem to drag on more and more, and it didn’t help the fact that Dean hated it. It got really bad when even Sam didn’t want to be there either.

Dad had been missing for 3 weeks now that was it, Sam was on edge because Dad was still gone. Dean had been picking up extra shifts, Sam was always at the library, and they barely said two words anymore. Between school, work, and the library they were tired. That was until the house phone rang a week before Thanksgiving.

“Hello?”

“Is this Dean Winchester?”

“Yes.”

“Sir, my name is Detective Hart.”

“What can I do for you detective?”

“We have a John Winchester here sir.”

“What’s he in for this time?” This is not the first time John had been arrested.

“Mr. Winchester, I’m sorry to inform you of this, but your father was in an accident.”

“Where,” he asked as all the color drained form his face, earning a slight cocked head from Sammy. “Which hospital?”

“Mr. Winchester, your father is not in the hospital. Your father did not make it out of the crash.”

That was two weeks ago. The funeral had come and gone, Sam got worse. Jess caught him with some girl named Ruby, ultimately ending their relationship. Jess was devastated. Sam stopped eating, and Dean was now full blown worried. He tried to talk to him, but Sam was gone. Luckily the courts decided Dean could have Sam as long as Bobby and Ellen checked in weekly.

Sam was even more withdrawn, he has lost weight. Dean tried to reason with him. “Come on Sammy, eating something.”

“God dammit Dean, leave me the fuck alone.”

“No.”

“Dean.”

“Sammy talk to me.”

“My name is SAM, Dean.”

“Sam, eat.”

“Fine, jerk…” He took the sandwich, and gave Dean his best bitch face.

“Bitch.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, as Sam ate the sandwich, and Dean decided now was the moment to ask the question that had been bothering him for a while.

“So Sam, who is Ruby?”

“No.”

“Sam…”

“She’s a friend.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

This is how the conversations were now. A lot of cursing, yelling, dismissive half-truths, and Dean always concerned. It seemed like a fight every time he wanted a simple answer from Sam, he had to work for it and push at it.

Christmas Break began, and Dean threw himself into his work at the shop. The boys made arrangements to spend Christmas with the only family they had left. Bobby, Elle, and Jo told them they were always welcome, and truth be told they needed a night away from the house that still had haunting memories of their father.

“I’m going to the library.”

“It’s Christmas Eve.”

“I want to go.”

“Fine. Be at Bobby’s at 6, that’s when dinner is, and you know how Ellen gets when someone is late.”

“Gotcha.”

Dean had come to the conclusion that some people had church, and Sam had the library. Plus it was just the library, he didn’t even think twice about it. That was until it was suddenly 9pm, Sam’s phone was off, and dinner had been over for a while. Bobby had just summed it up to teenage shenanigans, Ellen was concerned yet a little pissed at the missed dinner, and Jo was busy trying to get Dean to calm down.

It was after the tenth straight to voicemail call that Dean ran to Baby. And he drove to the library in silence, anger, and just a hint of fear. This was so unlike his baby brother, he was the responsible one. The one that helped Dean off the couch after one too many beers, the one that always made sure the laundry was done, the one who did his homework. Horrible images started to enter Dean’s mind as he parked the car and walked to the entrance of the library. “CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS EVE AND DAY”

Now with more fear, Dean ripped the phone from his pocket and dialed Bobby’s number.

“He’s not here!”

“Where?”

“The fucking library! It is closed, it has been closed all damn day!”

“Don’t talk to me like that boy, and calm down I’ll start looking on this side, and I’ll have Jo call around.”

“It’s Ruby, it is that god forsaken Ruby.”

“Calm down, he’s a smart kid. He is fine.” Click.

Dean searched everywhere, and checked in with Booby every ten minutes, as well as Jo. No one has seen or heard from him. Just as he was about to give up, go back to Bobby’s, and call the police; he spotted that familiar mess of brown hair. A mop of brown hair, he would notice anywhere. He then assumed that the short, little harlot attached to his arm was none other than Ruby.


	3. What About Ruby

“SAM!”

At the sudden scream, Sam jerked his head in the direction of the all too familiar voice, and he quickly detached from the girl, “Dean?”

“GOD DAMMIT SAM! Its half past 11, where the fuck have you been? Because it damn sure wasn’t at the library.” Dean could see the guilt in his brother’s eyes, but there was something else there too. What was it? Guilt? Lust? Or something else…

The “I’m sorry” that came next was a mumble and a half, and Dean barely heard it. He looked up in time to see Sam give a nod towards the girl almost as to say, “I’m fine, I’ll call you later.”

“Get in the fucking car, NOW!” Dean was pissed. Each word came out as a hiss, and Sam crawled into the passenger seat, hoping to avoid the glare that Dean was undoubtedly giving him, and not saying a word. The drive back to Bobby’s was deafening. All was silent except for the breathing that each other brothers were doing. Sam sat in guilt, Dean in anger, eyes on the road, but yet he couldn’t help but notice that Sam kept scratching at the crease in his elbow. Dean said nothing.

Ellen and Bobby were watching at the door the moment they heard the car’s engine. Bobby giving the “what the hell” look, and Ellen wearing one of concern in a way that only a loving mother could. Jo absent, probably on Ellen’s doing. Dean had to hand it to the two of them, they had been more of a family to him and Sam than his father ever had after their mother’s death. Ellen being the only mother that Sam could remember. Ellen ushered them into the kitchen, giving Sam the plate he missed at dinner, which he happily accepted giving Ellen the “I’m sorry” look, then ate the plate in silence. Once finished he put his plate in the dishwasher, walked up the stairs, got in the shower, then went to bed.

“Dean,” Ellen started slowly, “what happened?” Dean explained everything. Everything from what changes took place when Dad first left, and eventually to what had just happened a mere hour ago. Bobby grunted occasionally, Ellen showing her concern. They were wrapped up in the conversation, when they finally took notice of Jo, who has snuck into the room sometime in the twenty minutes.

“Mom…” Jo started.

“Jo-Anna Beth! What are you doing awake?” Ellen giving Jo the mother of all mother looks.

“Listen I know I am supposed to be asleep, but I heard you mention Ruby. I know of Ruby…”

“Of her? Tell me everything.” This came from Dean who was pale, sick to his stomach, and terrified of what he was about to hear.

Jo turned to look at him, then to her mother. Once Ellen had given the nod of approval, Jo turned back to Dean and started. “She is in Sam’s grade, a sophomore, although I’m sure she is much older than Sam. She started her last semester, there are rumors that she just got out of juvie but there are others that say she was rehab, other still a mental institution.” Jo paused and looked around the room, Dean was listening although increasingly getting paler, her mother and Bobby urging her to continue. “The only other family anyone seems to know about in her brother Crowley. But then again that is their last name, but no one calls him anything other than Crowley. He is said to be a drug dealer and a pimp. Ruby being one of his so called prostitutes, and also a drug user herself. But that is all I know…” Jo looked up once more, her mother thanked her and sent her back to bed, before turning to Dean, getting, up and embracing him in one of her motherly hugs.

To say Christmas Day had been awkward, would be a severe understatement. Sam barely made eye contact with anyone, Dean was a nervous Nelly, worried that at any moment his brother was going to crack. Bobby and Ellen were patient and Jo was, well Jo was Jo. The drive back home had been silent, and even the radio offered no comfort to Dean, because he knew what he had to do.

Now that they were home, both in the living room, Dean started, “Sammy..”

“It’s Sam.” Sam interjected with more annoyance than bitterness in his voice.

“Fine, Sam, we need to talk.”

“About?”

“Ruby. I understand you not wanting to tell me everything, but lying and it being centered on that girl, I need some answers.”

“Dean, I know what people say about her and her family. But it is not true, she is just lonely and she doesn’t make friends all that easy. She is a nice girl.”

“And the drugs?”

“A rumor.”

“You would tell me if something was up right?”

“Yea Dean, I would.”

“Ok, no enough with this chick flick moment, let’s watch something manly.”

This earned a snort from the other side of the couch, and the boys watched in silence as the oversized robots beat each other over some cube. They both were yawning every few minutes, and eventually they looked at each other and mumbled a good night, and off they went to their respective rooms. Once in his room Dean sank into his bed, replaying the conversations he had the past few days. Bobby and Ellen said to keep an eye on Sam, and Sam said not to worry. But Dean couldn’t help but worry, he sent a text to Bobby saying he wouldn’t be coming into work tomorrow. He didn’t wait for a response because as soon as his head hit the pillow he was dreaming once more of those blue eyes.

This time though he woke up right as the sun was, and he could feel the erection dripping pre-cum in his shorts. He slowly slide his hand down to the waist line of the shorts he was wearing, and pawed underneath them. He took his aching cock in one hand, the other gently playing with his nipples. He didn’t know what it was about those eyes, but they drove him wild. He tried to remember every detail of them as he slowly started to pump the throbbing heat he held in his hand. Eventually he admitted defeat as he started to fantasize about his last conquest, Lisa. He focused on how her mouth felt wrapped around his cock. How carefully he slipped into her, and made her moan. Before Dean even knew it he was pumping fast and hard, and almost without any warning, he came. Hard. The cum lining his shorts. He climbed out of bed, cleaned himself up, changed shorts, and didn’t wake up again until he heard Sam making coffee later in the morning.


	4. Nothing Stays The Same

Dean knows he should trust his brother, and he most definitely knows that he shouldn’t be following him as he leaves for the library. But that doesn’t stop him, he can’t shake the feeling that Sam is lying to him. As Dean passes the mailbox, he thinks to himself he should send a letter to Kate and Adam, and apologize for being rude at this holiday season. He follows Sam to the library, and Sam enters through the main doors, Dean opting for a side door. Dead was not expecting large mass of people that there was, and he lost his brother as soon as he entered. He looked around for five minutes before he noticed a mess of brown hair darting out one of the side doors with a smaller frame, of which Dean could only assume to be Ruby. Once again Sam had lied, and now Dean was concerned. But more than that, Dean was pissed.

Dean spends the next hour searching for him, he even calls him. The phone rang a few times before the kid’s voicemail kicked in. Dean even went as far as to call Jess and ask if she knew where he was. She said no, and asked if everything was alright, and Dean did all but tell her the truth. It had been about an hour now, and Dean on foot decided to start checking alley ways. And that is when they spotted them.

Dean almost wished he could un see what is unfolding before him. Sam is backed up against a brick wall in the alley, and Ruby is in front of him on her knees. Dean thinks to himself, if the kid wanted to get laid that was his choice, but why lie? And then Dean saw Sam reach for his bare arm, with something that shimmered in the daylight.

Sam lifted a tube to arm, and picked the correct spot, gently lowered the needle into his arm and pushed the plunger. Dean watched with horror on his face. Sam’s head went back with a giant OH of his mouth, and whether it was from the liquid in the syringe or what Ruby was doing, Dean didn’t care.

Dean reacted, and lunged forward throwing Ruby into a trash bin, grabbing Sam he slapped him hard. He yanked Sam away from there, he was cursing at Ruby, trying to hold onto Sam, and he was also reaching into his pocket to call Bobby. All Dean knew was, whatever has just happened in this back alley, was never going to happen again.

Bobby picked up, annoyed at the interruption. He was at work, where Dean should have been, where Dean wishes he was. He wishes he was anywhere but here, not catching his little brother doing heroin, getting sucked off by some drug addict, slut who was just using him most likely. Dean couldn’t get the words out, he just started crying.

“Boy! Where are you? What the hell is going on?”

“Bobby,” his voice cracked. “It’s Sam. I followed him, we need help. Pick me up.”

“Where?”

“Out front of the CVS”

“Be there in 10.” Click.

Dean sunk into the wall. He was crying, he knew he was. And for once he didn’t care. He knew his brother was in trouble, he should’ve helped sooner. He wanted to go back and rip that girl apart. He knew it was his fault, he had one job. Take care of Sammy. And he failed. Sam was doing drugs. He sat there, Sam still in his ecstasy, that exactly aware of all that was happening. Dean at least managed to get his pants on and buttoned for him. Then Bobby pulled up. They rode in silence as Bobby drove them to Ellen. Dean and Bobby managed to get Sam into bed with help of Ellen, and then they all met in the kitchen. Ellen, Bobby, Jo, and Dean sat at the table just staring at each other.

Dean looked around, and started crying again, Ellen instantly at his side. That was it, Dean broke. It took him about 20 minutes to calm down, and calmly explain what he found. Ellen was in complete shock, she sat there with her mouth open wide. Jo was quietly nodding and wringing her napkin in her hands, and Bobby, well Bobby was fuming.

They sat there in silence, until Dean asked, “What am I going to do?”

Ellen appeared out of nowhere with coffee and whiskey. Everyone took a coffee, and when it came time for Dean to add a little whiskey to it, he downed the whole bottle. Bobby and Ellen exchanged looks of concern, and then Dean cried again.

Dean woke up on the couch. The clock on the mantle read 8:00 and the lack of light outside suggested it was night. He slowly got up and made his way to the kitchen where he heard hushed voices. Ellen and Bobby were talking, he heard: Sam, rehab, Dean, AA, school, Jo, John. He walked into the kitchen and was greeted by Ellen asking if he was hungry.

“Alcohol. I need it. Beer please.”

“No.” The sound came from Bobby. Which is weird, Bobby always let the boys have a beer. “I will not allow this anymore. You boys do not deal with anything. Sam has turned to some slut who gives him heroin, and you have always drank. You two are more like your old man than you ever thought. Dean, we need to talk.”

Dean nodded, he knew drinking numbed the pain, but he never thought of it as a problem. And then Bobby began.

“Dean, Sam needs help. I talked to him, he is in real trouble. He tried to get Ruby away from her brother, that Crowley guy Jo mentioned. Crowley isn’t happy about it. Sam never meant to get addicted, it just happened. This all started when your dad disappeared. It’s been four months. Crowley is after him and Ruby. Ruby stole from him when she left, and now there is a debt to be paid. I have just enough money saved to where we can send Sam away to rehab. Ellen agrees that this is important, you boys are like our own sons. Do not protest, this is happening.”

Dean agreed. Sam did need help, but he wasn’t too sure about Bobby and Ellen paying for it. “Where do I come in Bobby?”

“You are going to stop drinking. You are going to clean up that house you boys stay in. Then we are going to get rid of all of your dad’s useless shit, saving what you want. Then we are going to sell that house. You will get a two bedroom apartment, you will pick of the pieces of this shitty hand you boys were dealt. You’ll be 18 in a few weeks, and then you are an adult. I know you don’t want to stay in school, and I think it would be just best for you to drop out, get your GED, and work fulltime.” Ellen at this point produced some cherry pie and coffee and Dean could not say no to pie.

Dean agreed to this plan, and they all decided that come morning, everything would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise in the next few chapters Cas will show up. All comments are welcome. I am writing this as it comes into my head, I have many scenes already written but I need to piece it together. I will update soon.


	5. Don't Dean, Please

By the time the conversation ending, Dean’s head is swimming with concern and doubt. He fell asleep on the couch eventually falling into a restless sleep. He woke around 5 in the morning, made up his mind, and walked up the stairs. He walked into the room where a sleeping Sam was breathing gently, as if there was not care in the world, he then crawled into bed with his little brother. Dean used to do this all the time when they were little, if Sammy was sick, hurt, or if he just missed the mother he never knew, Dean was there. Sam rolled over, and allowed him to get comfortable. Dean laid there thinking of all the times he had been there for his brother. But no this time, no this time he was so wrapped up into his own problems he didn’t see that Sam needed him. Dean drifted off to a more restful sleep, until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Dean…”

“Yea?”

“Get off me.”

“Sorry Sammy.”

“So, Dean…”

“Yea Sammy, yea…”

“If I said I was sorry would you believe me?”

“I don’t know, Sam, you lied to me. Things are going to be weird for a while.”

“So what now?”

“Wait until breakfast. Sammy, you know I will protect you no matter what, right?”

“Yea, Dean I do.”

They laid there is silence until Jo showed up to get them for breakfast. But as Dean went to follow Sam out the door of the room, Jo grabbed his shoulder and held him back. “Dean...”

“I know, it’s time.” Dean let the words sink in for a moment, and Jo watched him with curiosity in her eyes.

“Went to your place this, we found a stash of needles in his room. There were no drugs, so I guess he was keeping it out of the house. Also we packed his bag for him. Did you give him any heads up as to what is happening?”

“No, I couldn’t find the words. It’s just…”

“It’ll be ok.”

Dean and Jo wandered downstairs to find Sam sitting at the table, questioning looks thrown all around the room. Dean stood there and watched them all, and then something snapped. He couldn’t hide this secret from his baby brother anymore. “We’re sending you to rehab.”

Sam looked up from his plate, he could see the shock in the room, but yet no one was contradicting what Dean had said. “But… I’m fine. I promise I’ll stay away from Ruby. I swear. Dean… DEAN! Look at me.” Dean cautiously looked up, meeting Sam’s pleading eyes. “Don’t send me away. You can’t abandon me too!”

That last sentence hit Dean with every last syllable. Dean was fighting back tears as his gaze fell to the ground. Dean could hear Sam’s continued pleas, the sobs, the breaks in his voice, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to make this situation alright. By time Dean gathered the courage or maybe strength, to look up, he noticed Jo was gone, ushered away by Ellen most likely. Leaving the boys and Bobby.

“Sammy,”

“NO DEAN! Do not do this. You can’t just send me away, and then act like everything is ok.”

“I’m sorry…” Dean admitted dejectedly.

“Bobby, if we have to go, let’s go.” Sam looked at Bobby, got up, and walked out the door, not even offering Dean a second look, let alone a glance in the first place. Dean headed out of the kitchen, and back to the bed he and his brother had shared not even a mere half an hour ago. Once his head hit the pillow and he caught the scent of his brother still on it, he cried. He failed Sammy, he let him down; he thought this to himself, and he dissolve into complete sobs when he heard Bobby’s truck pull out of the drive way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome. 
> 
> Also, I'm writing this as fast as I can. I'm skipping around as ideas come to me. It is taken me a bit to rearrange them, and piece them together.


	6. I promise I'll be better

Dean laid there, in that bed. He didn’t move, he didn’t eat, and before he knew a week had passed since he sent Sammy off. School had started again, and Bobby called them to inform why Sam wasn’t there and no, Dean would not be returning either. Jo and Ellen took turns bring him food that would go uneaten. They also urged him to get up and do something, anything.

Two weeks past, and it was enough of all of this for Bobby. He figure it’s time to take control of the situation, and make Dean a productive member once more. Bobby stormed up the stairs ripped Dean from the bed and carried him into the bathroom, shoved him in, and simply stated: Shower. Once Dean had complied, he made his way down to the kitchen, where Bobby was waiting with coffee and toast. Dean ate, but the food just became dead weight, but he was grateful for it anyway. Bobby muttered all morning, and then decided to tell Dean the plans.

“Boy, were going to go to your house, sort through everything, box it up, and clean. I have realtor coming next week to put it up for sale. Ellen and I have made a few appointments for you to look at some apartments. Sam won’t be gone forever, and you boys will need a home.”

Dean nodded, they got into the beat up old truck Bobby loved dearly, and made their way to the house. Once in the house Bobby said he would take Sam’s room, and together they cleared the entire house. They boxed everything they wanted to keep and set it on the porch to take to Bobby’s. Everything they were getting rid of was gathered in bags already in Bobby’s truck.

Once back at Bobby’s, Dean pushed his food around on the plate taking small bite if any, and this time it was Ellen who had had enough. “Boy! Will you open your mouth?”

Dean had never heard Ellen take such a tone of concern before. He instantly felt guilty, and without saying a word he pushed his plate in front of him, got up, and walked to the bathroom. Now that he was in the bathroom, he leaned over the toilet and started to dry heave. After about 10 minutes of this, he straightened himself up, walked to the sink, and shuttered. He could now see what Bobby and Ellen were concerned about. Dean was pale, his chees had begun to sink in, and he just looked wrong. He washed his face, and made a silent vow: even if it kills him, I will be better.

Dean left the bathroom, went to his bed, and made a mental note to thank Jo for the fresh sheets. It had been two weeks, and not a word from Sam. It had been two weeks, and not even a sliver of a dream of those piercing blue eyes. This is the last thought Dean had before he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I will start updating more regularly. I do not have a set schedule yet, but this weekend was madness, but hey life happens sometimes. I'm sorry Chapter 6 is so long, I am basically just trying to find fillers and boost the story before we get to the juicy stuff. I will try to have ch.7 up by tomorrow night, and then we have the first meeting of Dean and Cas. Also, there will be a suicide and a suicide attempt coming up. I will put a warning at the beginning of the chapters where these occur. I'm sorry if it upsets anyone!


	7. But... He's a man!

A few weeks passed, and Dean was actually living life again. The house was still on the market, Bobby and Ellen insisted on Dean staying with them until it sold, and the only thing missing was Sam. It had been almost a month, no word from Sammy. Dean worked himself hard from the moment he woke till he fell asleep and dreamed of those blue eyes.

Bobby gave Dean the weekend off, and Dean finally made it out of bed around 11am, and he made his way to the kitchen where he found Jo talking on the phone talking animatedly on the phone. He walked over to her and was greeted with a face full of phone. He grabbed it and said “Hello?”

“Dean.”

“SAM!”

“Hey Dean!”

“Sam, how are you?”

“Dean, I’m ok.”

“I am so sorry Dean.”

“Sam, I should be the one to apologize.”

“Sammy…”

“DEAN! Happy Birthday!”

“Thank you.”

“Come see me tomorrow, we can talk then.”

And just like that Dean’s life was coming together, until he actually went to see his brother. Then his life was topsy tervy once more.

Dean and Bobby made their way into the facility, it was pretty nice compared to what Dean was expecting. They were ushered into a room where Sammy was sitting on a couch surrounded by other patients and their families. Once they said their hellos, Sam explained what therapy was like, that detox was a bitch, and then he apologized. He told Dean everything, they both cried. Three hours passed before they knew it, and everything was ok. That was until Dean turned to leave, and he almost ran into a chair. There. Those eyes. These were the ones from his dreams. They were attached to someone, he finally had a face to put with them, but they belonged to a man. Dean managed to choke out a “See you next week.” And got his ass out of there.

Dean had thought about these eyes for months. And now he needed some answers, and Sammy would be his first stop. One week, all he had to do was wait one week.

One hell of a long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have suicide in it.


	8. Dean would never shop again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUICIDE WARNINGS!
> 
> GRAPHIC VIOLENCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUICIDE WARNING.

Dean came alone this time. He knew where to go this time, and when he saw Sam, he noticed another kid a few years older than Sam sitting there, and another guy who had some serious bed head. Sam saw him, got excited, and both of the guys with him turned to see what he was getting all worked up about. Dean was in shock as he realized that bedhead guy was also the owner of the piercing blue eyes.

Dean tried to gain his composure as they all introduced themselves. He learned that the one guy who is only a year older than he, is named Gabriel but everyone calls him Gabe, and Mr. Bedhead and Fuck Me Eyes is names Castiel. When Dean had a look of awe on his face, the boys quickly muttered something about their mother being obsessed with angels. The next half an hour was spent on pins and needles on Dean’s behalf. Castiel and Gabe took leave and Dean all but sighed in relief as he spend the next two hours talking with Sam about everything that has been going on at the shop and Jo, and then Dean finally had the courage to ask about the brothers.

“Castiel is Gabe’s cousin, why do you ask?”

“No reason, just curious.”

And they left it at that. Dean left soon after with a promise of coming back next Sunday. And these were Dean’s intentions until the phone rang on Tuesday.

“Mr. Winchester?”

“Yes.”

“Your brother is in the ICU.”

“What happened?” Dean’s mind started going a mile a minute, running over every single bad thing that could have happened to his baby brother.

“Mr. Winchester, your brother tried to commit suicide. He had a visitor yesterday that shook him up pretty badly, and there is a note. Can you come in tomorrow, we need to find out the full story, and he refuses to talk to anyone but you.”

“I’ll be there at 9am.”

Dean entered the room where they were keeping Sam. The doctor’s explained that Sam had slit his wrists and lost a lot of blood. All of this was before he made a makeshift noose out of bed sheets, and then proceeded to hang himself. Gabe, his roommate (this was news to Dean), walked in the room at the right moment saving Sam’s life. Dean sat down next to his brother who was asleep, and the nurse handed him the note his baby brother penned.

“Dean,

I’m sorry. All you have ever done is take care of me, but yet I keep fucking everything up. And now once again, I have really screwed up. I tried to save Ruby, but in the end I only made things worse for her. After I came here she wrote me telling me she was back with Crowley and the beatings were even worse. She told me her plan was to run away. I didn’t ever write back and neither did she I just assumed she had made it out. That was until Crowley showed up here yesterday, and told me that Ruby tried to run, but he found her again. She killed herself, she killed herself because I couldn’t save her. Crowley was here to tell me that since she is dead, there is still a debt to be paid. I now have to pay it. I can’t do it Dean. I see no other option, I am taking myself out of the equation.  I love you Dean, you have always been my everything ever since we were little. I am so sorry I failed you as a little brother.

Catch you on the flipside,

Sammy”

Dean was choking back tears, he was in a state of complete disbelief of what he had just read. His brother felt the guilt of Ruby, failing him, and now he had Crowley on his back. Dean would fix this, Sam was his responsibility.

Sam was released a few days after, and Dean visited every day for a short time, but on Sundays he stayed for hours. After Sam was moved back to his room, Dean gave Gabe a hug and told him thank you. Gabe was always there when Dean was there, and the three of them talked about everything and nothing. Dean knew very little about Gabe, except that his past was to remain there in the past. Dean was secretly always hoping to run into Gabe’s cousin, Castiel. But it seems as Dean was going Castiel was arriving, and vice versa.

A few weeks went by, and Sam was doing great. Dean was at the store picking up some stuff for Ellen when he felt a tap on the shoulder and heard the words: “Hello Darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters. There is just too much happening in the story right now, and it needs to be separated.


	9. An Offer He Couldn't Refuse

Dean spun around, he came to see a rather short man, who had a funny little accent. The man gave him a piece of paper, and then walked away without another word. Dean hurried his shopping along, bought the required items, and then drove straight home in silence.

Dean was strangely quiet at dinner, but Bobby and Ellen didn’t really think twice about it. They were telling him that the house had finally sold, and they were excited because Dean could finally start his adult life on his own. Dean couldn’t get the note out of his mind, and he knew he only had a few hours until he was to meet with Crowley. The note had read

“Meet me at the Blue’s Bar, back left. Order whatever you like, we have terms to discuss. 9pm. –Crowley”

Dean finished his dinner, and rushed to shower and change. He drove Baby to the bar in silence, he walked in and sat exactly where he was told to, and not long after a cute little brunette came over to talk his order. When he ordered a whiskey no ice, she looked like she was about to ask for some ID but then realized quickly whose table this was, and walked off without anything further. It wasn’t until he downed his first and was on his second, did he realize that a sudden hush had fallen over the bar, he looked up and there stood Crowley.

Crowley sat in the seat across from him, ordered a martini, looked at Dean, and then he began.

“Your brother has cost me a great deal of money. He took Ruby from me, he took my drugs, and then he thought he would get off free without trouble. And now Ruby is gone, and your brother is locked up. He is useless in rehab, and I have a feeling if I pressure him he will try and most likely succeed his next suicide attempt. I need a sure thing, and that’s where you come in. You will work for me. You are young, good looking, and you don’t seem like a junkie type. So here is the deal, you will do what I ask without question. Whether it be selling yourself, running errands, or selling other things for me. You will work for me until you pay off the debt.”

Dean sat and listened and finally he managed a head shake that was meant to be no, but he was cut off.

“You do this or your brother dies. From my own hands or his. The choice is yours.”

Dean agreed, he accepted Crowley’s number, and he left the bar fighting back tears. Dean drove home, went to his room, and cried. Once the tears had stopped he found his brother’s laptop, looked up apartments, and wrote down a few numbers. He was determined to keep Sammy from this, and everyone else for that matter. They didn’t need to know about his new job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to post this. I've had it written for awhile, but I got caught up in some stuff. Hope you enjoy. I should also be posting another chapter too.


	10. And Then There Was Yoda

Dean didn’t know much, but he did know that life as he knew it was about to change completely. The weeks had passed with no further contact from Crowley, but Dean knew it would only be time. In these weeks, Dean had closed on the house, found and moved into an apartment, visited Sam, and continuously dreamed of Castiel.

Dean was in the living room, moving the new pieces of furniture around, trying to find what worked best, when a short but deliberate knock lead Dean to the front door. When Dean opened the door he assumed he would be seeing Jo or Ellen, but instead he found Crowley. But not just Crowley, it was more Crowley, a bunch of shopping bags, and a cage like thing.

“Hello love.”

“Crowley. Can I help you?”

“House warming gift, and I believe it’s time we get you a set schedule.”

“Well then, make yourself at home.”

By the time Dean and Crowley had finished talking, Dean was covered in hair. Not his or Crowley’s, but the tiny kitten that Crowley claimed to be a “gift”. The cat had a weird mushed face, large funky ears, and odd yellow eyes. To be honest Dean had fallen in love with the little sack of fur, and had already named him Yoda. But more important than the kitten, Dean now had a game plan of when he was supposed to be with Crowley. Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays all belong to Crowley. When Dean had asked what he would be doing, Crowley grinned like the Cheshire Cat, and said “In good time my darling dearest.”

Since it was only Monday, Dean had time to do some shopping. And he had a large list of items that Crowley gave him. Just a few of the horrors that this included were: pasties (with tassels), a cowboy hat, boat shoes, a number of different colored thongs, and thigh highs. It was in that moment that he was reading the list that he realized he really would do anything for his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I am so sorry this took so long to post, and that it is so short. I went home for Spring Break which was in expected, and then I ended up staying later than I wanted. But I promise I will start posting anywhere from 3-4 chapters a week. Now that the back story is out of the way, I can start in on the sex. Stayed tuned for the next chapter: "Feathers, Sequins, and "You want to put that where"?

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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